Re-air of "When the Brain does NOT Feel Like Doing It"

I have been talking with you all alot about being willing to pay the investment up front to achieve your goals, and dreams. But, the truth is, that your brain will fight you on this. It will even try to convince you that you do NOT want to do what you actually want to do. It can feel SOOO uncomfortable when this happens. This discomfort is one of the investments you will pay up front... So... In this episode, I share with you how to move forward when this happens. 

Enjoy!!!

Transcript

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Welcome to the authentic life connection podcast. I'm your host, Seth Lusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade, I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're gonna dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life, where you are unstoppable and taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is, are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started. Shall we? Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time. Welcome, welcome. You picked a great episode to join in on I'm going to share with you all a re aired episode today, I had a new episode recorded for you all. And then something happened with my laptop, everything crashed, and I lost the file. So now I have to re record the episodes. So that will be coming out for you all next week. But for this week, I'm going to re air an episode that I feel like is really relevant to what we've been talking about recently, where I've been talking with you all about being willing to pay the investment, the cost up front, and that one of those big investments is going to be our emotional discomfort. So this episode is eerie air about when our brain doesn't feel like putting in the work when it doesn't feel like showing up and doing the thing that feels uncomfortable for us. And a lot of times that can be misinterpreted as I don't want to do it. But actually, it's just we don't feel like doing it. And there's a big difference. So listen to it on this episode. And I want you all to begin thinking about when it comes to your goals when it comes to going after the life that you really want. And paying the cost paying the investment upfront. And one of those costs, one of those investments is going to be putting in the emotional discomfort bandwidth that it takes. When your brain says I don't feel like doing it. And you're going to show up and do it anyways. So enjoy the episode. And I'll see you all again here next week with a new one. Ciao. Everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time. Welcome, welcome. You picked an interesting episode to join in on for your first experience on this podcast. I say that pretty much about every episode. But I mean it. That's why I say it, it is a truly interesting episode. And most of my episodes are truly interesting, at least, I think for my listeners they are that's why they keep coming back, right. So this week, the topic that I want to address is not necessarily a brand new topic, it's something that I talk about quite frequently. But I want to I want to approach it from a slightly different angle today. And talk about it again, because I still see so many people out there struggling and battling with this. And they the part that really kind of gets me in once makes me want to talk about this is that most people that are struggling with this don't even realize that they're struggling with it. And there is so much going on out there in the personal development, personal growth, self help industry that is sort of keeping people blind to looking at this because let's face it, guys, the purse, the personal development, the self help industry is an industry, they also want to make money. And guys, I want to make money too, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say I don't want to make money, I have to make a living, I have to support my family. And in this world, we actually don't have to do those things. But I want to and in this world to do that. Money is sort of required by you know, the economy's in most countries. So I do want to make money. But I don't want to make money off of keeping people blind to what is actually going on in their life, and keeping them dependent on me to have to keep coming back and try and quote unquote, fix them. I want to help people truly uncover the details of why it is that they're not doing the things in their life that are their truest desires, and how to start showing up in the most authentic way where they only need themselves, to back them on it to be able to show up and do what it is that they're here to do. That doesn't mean that they don't have people on their team are on their side. You know, I'm not saying that that's a bad thing, but they don't need it. They could do it entirely on their own. And they've got their own back and they are unstoppable. No matter how many people decide They don't want to support them, no matter how many people, you know, tell them that they think that they're stupid for chasing after their dream, they still have their back and they are unstoppable. That is my goal. As a coach, I can't say the same for every other coach out there. I know there are coaches out there that have the same goal. But I also know that there are some coaches out there that just want to make money. And they just want to keep people dependent on them and needing them for solutions instead of teaching people how to find their own authentic solutions. So that being said, what I want to talk about today, it's gonna be a bit uncomfortable for me as a coach to talk about it, because I'm going to step on some toes. And it's going to be about creating awareness for this because I feel like not enough coaches are talking about it. And maybe the ones that are aren't the so popular ones, because they're not playing into this mindset that we have that I'm going to talk about a little bit later, that sort of these really super popular coaches kind of play into to get you to listen to them and kind of get your money. And I'm not saying that they're bad people. That's not what I'm trying to say at all. But what I am saying is, you guys have to remember that in the end, you're the one responsible for taking the actions that are going to bring you into your most authentic and fulfilling life. They aren't and they are only there to provide you sort of a scaffolding and then leave it up to you to do it. And a lot of times the way that they're wording it is very misdirecting. Because they don't care whether or not you get it because they're your they know you're going to come back to them when you don't get it and you're going to need their help again. And eventually, when you do get it, that's also okay. But their their mission is not to be necessarily as helpful as possible, as much as it is to just get their product out there and make some money off of it. And yeah, like I said, I'm not saying that they're bad people, and that they can't be helpful. But they, you guys need to know that a lot of these coaches out here, they're not here to have your back. They're not here to make sure and hold your hand and make sure that you you do the things that are authentic for you. They're there to put out their product and make money off of it. And the people that get helped by it get helped by the people that don't, they don't. So with that being said, what I want to talk about today is this phenomenon that I see, when people start accepting that there are things in their life that they truly want to do, there is a purpose for their life, and that they have values and sensitivities and goals that align with that purpose. And they will want to say yes to things that align with that purpose that aligned with those goals. And they will want to say no to things that don't. And what I notice is a lot of people getting stuck in this territory for several reasons. And I see a lot of people saying, No, I don't want to when the reality is, what they're saying is I don't feel like it. And they might use words like I don't want to, but what's actually going on in their brain is that they don't feel like it in the moment. Or that there is an unhealed trauma and unhealed emotional wounding that they're trying to skip over and bypass by getting out there and making changes out there in the world and in things around them in hopes that it's going to change their life to make them feel better about themselves. Meanwhile, they're not doing the internal work, to look at their wounding to look at their trauma and heal that until they're out there trying to make these changes. And then they hit these walls of their own trauma and wounding. And then they they feel this like panic urge to like give up that their brain is giving them. And then they say, Oh yeah, I don't want to do this. When the reality is they're reacting to a trauma, or they're reacting to an emotional wound. And it's not that they don't want to do it, it's that they don't feel like doing it because their brain is throwing a temper tantrum. And so I want to talk with you all about this. Because as I said, I talk with you all quite often about how it's so important for us to know our true wants in life. And I talk about the importance of saying no, when something is not a true one for us, I talk about the importance of trusting our intuition when it tells us that something is not aligned with our true path forward in life. And all of these things are so true, and so important for the fulfillment and the authenticity of our individual lives. But as I said, there's this trend that I see in my clients, and my friends, and in general in the world as I watch things happening on social media and in the news and people just out in public. And it's how people approach this when they become aware of the importance of their true ones. And they want to begin implementing this practice in their life of following their true desires and saying what it is that they truly want and they do not want in their lives. So many people want to jump straight into changing external factors. changing behaviors in their life changing people that they're close to in their life without taking the time to be still reach inside and take the time to do the deep internal exercises of getting to know themselves, getting to know their emotional woundings. They're their core traumas from when they were a child, getting to know their true purpose in life, separate from those traumas, and those woundings getting to know their true values, their true sensitivities, and getting a clearer picture of their unconditional worth. And therefore, they're a path forward in life that is genuinely aligned with all of this. What I see is people wanting to dive right into quote, unquote, doing because we're all these days being taught to be human doings, not human beings. And everyone's trying to dive right into trying to change things in their life out there as fast as possible to get to this being comfortable, as fast as possible, because that's what they believe is the point of personal development and personal growth and self help is to get to that, that place in their life where they finally feel comfortable. And what this means is that a lot of people are out there in the world, telling other people what they want, and they don't want telling themselves what they want and what they don't want. And believing that what they're doing is something to change their life for the quote unquote, better, and then waiting to feel better and happier and more fulfilled. And a lot of people are doing this with complete unawareness to their emotional woundings to their trauma that they have not healed. And without an understanding of the difference between a genuine I don't want to do this, this does not align with my path forward in life versus and I don't feel like doing this or in this feels really scary and uncomfortable to the brain due to the unhealed wounding and traumas and the unlooked at traumas. And therefore, we should run away and not do this, people really don't know the difference between that they feel the panic of this, this feels scary and uncomfortable, or that I don't feel like doing this. And they think that that is their intuition saying you don't want to do this. And so they run away from the steps that they would actually want to be taking. And I want to talk about this today, because I think it's so important for my audience to begin to understand that when you have not taken the time to do the inner work, and truly know, your true self, I'm not talking about the roles you play out here. And the way you express your true self in the world, through the clothes that you wear, the music, you listen to the money you make, the job you have, the car you drive, the house you have, all of that is merely an expression that we work on, and we create to express who we truly are. But the fact of the matter is, you'll never be able to express that person, if you don't take the time to know who they actually are. And most people out here are trying to do just that. They're trying to express what they think other people are out in the world that they think are getting attention and getting approval, and they have no idea who they are. And they're here like trying to create these expressions in life that don't align with who they actually are and what they actually want in their life. And what people don't understand is that your wounding your true values and sensitivities in life, when you don't know those things, it's so easy for your brain, and your body to convince you that you don't quote unquote, want to do something that is actually something that you truly want to do. My friends, this is why I always, I always say this, I say this over and over again, work with a coach in this area. Don't try to do this on your own. Because you've been taught your entire life to skip over the parts that are the most important to look at, to rush through them to hurry up and get too comfortable, to hurry up and get to feeling better. And to give into this urge of the brain to seek immediate gratification and comfort and the ego wanting to be right, and, and certain and comfortable. And when you don't understand this, and understand what it looks like to go after what you truly want in life and what that feels like, then you're going to constantly be convincing yourself that you don't want to do something that you actually want to do. I see so many people in the world giving up on taking steps toward their true wants in life or not taking the steps that will keep them growing and evolving in their purpose. And they do this because it starts to get uncomfortable, because they've tried yet again to avoid looking at that the inward look and seeing what is really going on in them and in their life and how they've created where they are right now. And they want to skip over that part and skip over the part where they can empower themselves with that awareness of their wounds and their trauma and the fact that they have power to heal those and then beginning the process of healing those wounds and trauma And because they keep avoiding this, they believe that what they're doing by getting out there and trying to change things, trying to follow someone else's how to, they believe that they're doing something for themselves to help them live a more authentic and fulfilling life when in reality, they're just living according to their fears and their ego and reacting to fears that they don't even realize are fears from old wounds and traumas that they have intentionally tried to skip past looking at and healing. I hear all of the time, people saying that they think that they realize they no longer want to do something. But what it really is, is that they've reached this level of discomfort that is going to come along with growth. Because the more we step out into growth, the more we grow into our potential and uncover our true selves and express it in the world, we step into things that are uncertain for us, we've not done them before, we grow in practices that we've not tried before, and will be asked to take steps that we've never taken before. And that reaches a level of discomfort in their journey, where the brain and the ego come in. And they overwhelm the person with emotion that they haven't learned to look at, and process and use for them to keep moving forward. Because they don't understand even where the emotion is coming from. They don't understand the traumas and the wounding that their brain is using to throw out these emotions and overwhelm them and ask them to say, oh, no, I don't want to do that. They allow the brain and the ego and the body's physical experience of those emotions, to convince them that moving forward is a bad idea. And that they can miss themselves that that's their intuition talking, that they're listening to their higher self, that they're being authentic. I hear people getting I don't feel like it confused with I don't want to all of the time. And there is a huge difference between these two, my friends. But so many times I hear people saying I don't want to and when I dig just a little bit deeper, what it is, is I don't feel like it, or I'm scared. Or I don't know how I want to be clear here with you guys. I know the self help personal development, self love, self care movement has put a lot of you in a confusing spot that you're not aware of. Because this movement is being driven forward by people who want to make money off of that confusion, and make money off of you not taking steps that would actually free you from feeling stuck in this pattern of going after what you want only to stop and run back to your comfort zone. As soon as the friction point of your growth and evolving meets the wounding of your own emotional trauma. We have this idea that self care self love, personal development and self help should always feel like our life is getting easier and more comfortable and more exciting. But the truth is a life of fulfillment, a life of authenticity and growth and self love. It's is going to feel uncomfortable, many times to the brain and the body and the ego. But we have this belief that this is a bad thing, that this discomfort is a bad thing. And therefore when we reach that point of the discomfort, we think, Oh, I must be doing something wrong. And we run back to the comfort zone and wait for the next self help book, the next podcast, the next seminar, the next online course to come along that inspires us to take action to quote unquote, feel better in our own life again. But the truth is, my friend's life is always 5050 the people that you see they are living an authentic and fulfilling life choose their 5050. Whereas the rest of us that are in this cycle, are letting life choose our 5050. For us. We are victims to our life. And we do the same thing again. And again, we run forward with without understanding of why we are where we are in the first place without healing or the traumas without looking at our emotional wounding, without learning to process emotions, instead of resisting them, and trying to hold them down and suffocate them and suppress them. Without understanding that whole process of why we even feel that way based on misunderstandings that we took on as a kid from other people that we thought knew all the answers when we were a kid. And we just took things to be facts about the world and ourselves that aren't true. And we keep running into the world with those lenses of emotional wounding and trauma and hitting walls and running back to our comfort zone and wondering why we feel disempowered and unable to change in our own lives. We run forward into changing stuff out there in our life. And at first when we do this, we feel this huge relief that we're doing something right we're doing something so good for ourselves. And we get this feeling of yeah, see this is what a fulfilling life is like. This is what it should quote Don't feel like and we run forward and run forward, until we hit that point where the wall of the unhealed emotional wounding and trauma exists. And we hit that, where the limits of our emotional resistance are, we hit the wall of unawareness, where our limiting beliefs are, that are based in our own fears of our own unhealed traumas and emotional wounding. And we hit that wall where our ego and our brain and our body are no longer comfortable moving forward in uncertainty because it would mean being uncertain being vulnerable and the possibility of falling down and messing something up and not getting things the way that we imagined them going the first 100 times, we run into that wall, and it no longer feels like progress to us, it no longer feels like that exciting, comfortable growth to us. And because we don't understand what is going on, and what growth is actually like, we believe that we've done something wrong, and we start believing this is not what I want to do anymore. And we run back to that safety zone, we run back to that old comfort zone that is actually uncomfortable for us anyways, but at least we're familiar with it. Remember, I've told you guys this before, the life you're in right now already feels uncomfortable for you. But your brain will convince you it's better to stay there because at least you're familiar with that discomfort rather than stepping into some new discomfort that could change your life, and could help you to express who you truly are, instead of hiding it and playing small because you're scared of what other people will think about you. And when we do this over and over, we keep adding layers of belief that either we cannot change, or that we just need to wait for some other how to book some other how to podcast, some other how to seminar to come along, that will make it easier and more comfortable and quicker for us to take steps forward into our quote unquote, potential. This is not how growth works. This is not how living a fulfilling and authentic life works. I think we get this idea from these motivational speakers on TED Talks. And I love TED talks don't get me wrong, I listen to them all the time, we get these ideas through these seminars that we watch and we attend, we get the idea that growth and stepping into our potential into our most fulfilling life that it will be this this constantly exciting, motivated journey that just always feels you feel excited and ready to show up each day. And take the steps that are right in front of us. And this isn't the case. I will say here's the thing, though, the energy is very different. Even when we don't feel like taking the steps or feel a bit scared. The energy is different when we are living a life that is aligned with our purpose, and what is authentic for us. It feels so different when we step into that and we take the step forward anyways, even when we don't feel motivated and excited that day, we're able to generate the energy to step up, put in the time, take the step. And I'm not saying it feels easy or comfortable because it doesn't. It is interesting to feel the difference here though, there is this really big difference in the energy in the way we show up on a path that we are choosing to show up with, with intention because it's aligned with our purpose that we see clearly and have a vision of what we're pulling ourselves towards. In those steps. We show up completely different on days when we feel tired when we feel scared when we feel unmotivated, and we just quote unquote, don't feel like doing it. Because the brain and the body and the ego are throwing their temper tantrums, we show up completely differently than when we are on a path that we think we quote unquote should be on to impress other people or gain approval or gain worth in the world for ourselves through the world around us. We show up completely differently when we are on a path that is not authentically aligned with our clear vision of purpose. And we also at that time, hit those times when we don't feel like doing the steps or we feel tired or we feel stressed or we feel unmotivated, we feel it feels totally different. When we hit those walls, when we're on a path that is aligned with our purpose, with our vision, with our intention with our values with our sensitivities, then when we're on a path that isn't and that's what I want you all to see here. You won't know if you're on that path if you don't stop trying to be a human doing all of the time and stop trying to find the shortcuts around your trauma and healing it and get still get to know yourself and stop thinking that you're so scary to get to know stop believing that you're so effed up that is going to be miserable, to get to know yourself and understand and have compassion for the wounding that you have gone through. And that you are an empowered and magnificent being that can heal that wounding see where it is that you took on beliefs that are not truly yours and release them and move forward into the world with intention and empowerment. But you keep convincing yourself that it's easier to just skip around that. We have the social media platforms, and huge personal development influences out there promoting this idea that if we just envision it correctly and plan the right way, then we will show up every day and take the steps. And it'll be filled with his ease and the certainty and this constant excited motivated energy because we're doing doing doing doing, and that the growth will feel better for us, and maybe even feel more comfortable for us than the life that we're currently living. Because we'll be impressive to other people, right. And this is the fallacy of personal growth. It's not about making life more comfortable or more impressive to people around you. A fulfilling, authentic life is not one that is about comfort, and about in about seeking external approval, external approval, and more comfort means less authentic, less fulfilling, because more comfort and more seeking external approval is a life of hiding of playing small of self rejection and fear of your own emotional experience. That is true for you. It is a life based and false desire and seeking approval from the world around us to validate the worth that you won't own for yourself. That my friends is not fulfilling or authentic. A life of fulfillment and authenticity is one of stepping out of that zone of comfort. It is the life of choosing to see our worth for ourselves, unconditionally, no matter how anyone else judges us. And taking the time to have a clear vision of that, that true self and that unconditional worth. It is the life of taking time and energy to clear out the socially normalized false desires that are based in your emotional trauma and wounding that are causing you to believe that seeking immediate gratification, and pleasure and comfort all the time are what you want. Because you're trying to escape your life because you think it's so horrible. Because you think you're so horrible. And you're not good enough yet. A life of authenticity. And fulfillment is a life of being willing to see our true desires once we cleared out the false desires, and see that we are 1,000% worthy and able to show up in our life and express those desires. No matter how many times we get up and fall down trying to do so. And we live a life that is about creating those true desires in the world to express ourselves more fully. A life of fulfillment and authenticity is not comfortable. Because it's big. It's open and vulnerable to other people's opinions. And it's about learning to show up. Even when people misunderstand you, or see you through their own lenses in a way that is not truly you. And you keep showing up anyways and taking the steps. It's the willingness to fall down over and over and stop seeing that as failure. And instead seeing it as what you are here to learn. And that each fall is for you, not against you. But we have this culture of instant gratification. And that's one of the biggest things that's holding us back. And the self help personal develop industry is trying to make money by playing into that false desire of immediate instant gratification. Let me show you the quick three steps you can take to make this amount of money from staying at home and doing blah, blah, blah, blah. Let me show you the three quick steps to make yourself feel better about yourself and love yourself more. Let me show you the quick, easy four steps that it's going to take you to feel better about your life. They play into this. This, we want to know how we want a bulletproof plan. Please don't offer me Don't make me step into uncertainty. Make it quick, make it easy, make it as comfortable for me as possible. And I'll buy your books, I'll buy your videos, I'll buy your classes. And they play into that my friends, just so that you keep believing the lie that life is supposed to be about being easy, comfortable. And that success is supposed to be quick and gets you a ton of external validation. And this industry is doing what any industry does, and giving people exactly what they think they want. Because my friends, what we think we want isn't what we really want. That is your brain, your ego and your body, convincing you to not look at your own trauma and wounding trying to avoid it and trying to seek comfort and instant gratification so that you never have to look at that and never figure out who you truly are and how unconditionally worthy that person is so that you can show up as the badass that you truly are in your life and become unstoppable. And this, my friends, is the messy cloud of confusing soup that I see the self help personal development industry creating for the majority of people and I personally want to do something about it and people are not going to like it. I will probably get cancelled along the way and I'm going to keep showing up anyways it doesn't matter. I want to start creating awareness that this is what is actually going on here. So what is actually going on here is that we have three major underlying obstacles. And there are many more that fall under this. But the three major obstacles that I want to talk about today, there are three of them. And these obstacles are not being addressed. And we keep looking for for promises from people that we can have quick, big and easy success by continuing to ignore these obstacles. And obstacle number one is our instant gratification culture. And what I mean by that is that we are designed biologically, and we're going to talk about that next. We are designed biologically to seek instant gratification, but that no longer serves us. But guess what the industry and our culture know that that's what we're biologically driven to do. And they know that's the quickest way to make money off of us. They know the world that our society knows that if we play into instant gratification, we make money. And that is obstacle number one is that we don't see, the very culture we seek to get approval from that we seek to get acceptance from that we seek to fit into is the very culture that's keeping us stuck, believing that instinct gratification, that feeling comfortable, all the time, that feeling happy all the time is the goal. And if we don't feel that we've done something wrong, go buy another self help book, go to another seminar, go pay for another online course, go have another drink of wine, go on another vacation, eat some more of this food over here that tastes really good and distracts you from what you're not doing in your life. That's obstacle number one, which plays into obstacle number two, which is our brain, ego and body are wired, wired biologically to seek certainty, safety, comfort and attachment hundreds and 1000s of years ago, this constant seeking of comfort, safety and certainty, it had its advantages when it came to our survival. But guess what that was because then resources were scarce. So we needed, we needed to seek that comfort of food, shelter, approval from groups to be a part of in order to feel protected, to be protected. But today, guess what these resources are not only not scarce, there are more abundant that we actually need to survive, and the overuse of them is hurting us mentally, emotionally and physically, literally, we are living in the real life example of more is not always better or better for you. We live in a time where these resources that we used to need to constantly seek are available to us 24/7 In such excess, and in such concentrated unnatural forms, that we are seeing so much damage from the fact that we're not paying attention to that constant drive to seek them, and where it comes from, and how we can do something different with it. We allow that drive to control us without any sense of purpose without any sense of moderation. So when it comes to growth, we step out into uncertain places in life. Friends, circles fall away, we take time to express ourselves more fully and allow for new friend groups to align with us and to show up. But if we follow the brain and the ego telling us that being accepted included in social circles is the most important thing. And it's as important as life itself because that's what the brain and the body and the ego believe, then guess what we hold ourselves back from growing, to gain the approval of the people who aren't living lives that look anything like the lives we actually truly want to be living, but we fear not having their approval, or not fitting in with them. But by fitting in with them. We're never truly ourselves. And we're never showing up in our own lives the way we want to. And what I'm saying is, it's time that we learned that we want to be aware of this drive. When we step forward into a path of growth, and understand that it's going to feel uncomfortable, it's supposed to that's not a bad thing. Discomfort is not bad. feelings of loneliness will come up. But it's a feeling. These feelings are coming from thoughts and beliefs that we have that are not the truth of life. And when we see that these feelings are coming from our brains wiring, from our limiting beliefs that we accepted about ourselves in our lives, from our own emotional wounding and trauma, and that these don't have to be true for us, when we see that. With this awareness, we're able to break that cycle. Without this awareness and willingness though, we end up getting into this the brain's urgent drive, to stay in social circles and fit in when that social circle is going down a path that does not align with our purpose. I see this happen all of the time, especially with people wanting to please their family members, too. That's the biggest one. You know, they're adults, and they still want mom and dad to be happy with every decision that they make. They still want their siblings to be happy with every decision that they make. And so they feel stuck in these inauthentic patterns and playing these inauthentic roles because they're afraid to say what it is that they truly want and show up in their life. and express that because they're afraid of these people no longer accepting them. And they think that means something that they're doing it wrong and that they're not worthy. And it's because they believe in this drive from the brain, that needing that acceptance, needing that that group to fit into is life itself, because the brain convinces us how urgent this is. Because you have to remember, the brain is just a biological organ, but we are spiritual beings living in a biological creature. And that biological creature has drives that if we don't pay attention to where those drives are coming from, and how they don't fit into what our true desires are for this life, then guess what we end up doing, we become these creatures of habit that we feel out of control of the things that we do in our own life. I see people having goals for their health. And the steps to express these goals might involve things like moving their body with more intention at certain times of the day for certain amounts of times during the day. And that might interfere with some social norms, or interfere with some old programmed habits that are more familiar to their brain, body and ego and therefore feel more comfortable, I see people struggle to take the steps to change those habits surrounding food surrounding intentional movements surrounding sleep surrounding alcohol consumption surrounding caffeine consumption, the list goes on and on, just because their brain screams that this is uncomfortable, and that it is being deprived, and that it is somehow dangerous to life itself. And that we quote unquote, should be seeking comfort and food and alcohol and staying up late and partying with friends to get their acceptance, and laying on the couch in front of the TV in a climate controlled room with your favorite familiar TV shows on I see people feeling completely disempowered and being able to intentionally show up in their life in the way that creates the health that they want. Simply because they they have not been taught to look at how their brain body and ego are driving them towards comfort, and that they are in charge of all three of those things, but they feel at the effect of them. We haven't been taught how to create tools, strategies, and plans for ourselves to face those urges head on, not with judgment, not with disgust, not with guilt and shame. But with love and compassion, and understanding and awareness and a powerful openness to it. That says yes, I feel all of this, I am a human being. I am a being having a human experience. And it's going to feel uncomfortable. But that's okay. That's actually a good thing. And then there's a third obstacle here. That is not just the biological drive of the body and the brain and the presence of the ego. It's sort of a byproduct of having these, these three things in our experience, especially when we're babies trying to figure out life. And then we're, we're never being shown how that experience as a kid, where we trust the adults around us to have all the answers, right. And we trust them to have our best interests in mind. And we trust them to know what is right, right. And we give them all of the power in our life, because we don't have the emotional the mental capacity to understand what it is to be a human and have a brain and to have this body. And the truth of the matter is most of us as adults are still in that state still in that mental and emotional state, still in that spiritual state of being a baby that's completely unaware of the fact that we have power here. So this is the third thing that I'm talking about. The third obstacle is that we have emotional traumas and woundings that we're not taught to look at and understand from a space of compassion, from a space of openness, from a space of love that is unconditional from a space of not looking for things to make us less worthy, but looking for evidence of the fact that we are unconditionally worthy, and that we were just confused and believed something that we don't have to believe anymore. We're not taught to do that. And society actually teaches us to become victims to it, and resist it, and then react to it later in life and try and change other people around us to make us feel more comfortable. Because of our own wounding that we won't heal for ourselves. We want other people to heal it for us by changing their behaviors to make us more uncomfortable, or to make us more comfortable with our own wounding that we don't want to look at and heal. Because again, we just want to avoid it. We want the quick fix around it. Let's change people out there and make them feel guilty for why I feel bad because I don't feel worthy enough. And I'm going to tell them why it's their fault that I don't feel worthy enough about myself and how their behavior is making me feel that and that they need to change so that I can stop thinking that about myself. So I can stop believing that about myself. I go out there in the world and I react and I blow up on people and I tell them how it's their fault that I don't know how to love myself. That's what we're being taught by society to do. This victime you know, blame culture that we live in. That's all about changing things out there trying to get immediate gratification and comfort and trying to make other people solve our prom problems for us and trying to find a way to bypass looking at the very thing that would help us to show up in our lives the way we want to, which is to look at our own trauma and wounding and figure out the fact that it was nobody's fault. It was us believing something that we now realize we don't have to believe anymore. And then forgiving, and releasing, but we're not taught to do that are we know, we're taught to either feel like crap about ourselves, or to make other people feel like crap about themselves for how we feel about ourselves. This is the third obstacle. The third obstacle is that we have emotional trauma and wounding and my friends. I know there are people out there that when they hear the word trauma, they think it has to be this huge thing, like you either have to have been raped, or physically abused, or watch someone get murdered, or get shot or something, my friends, that is not okay, these are traumas, these are traumas. But guess what, for a baby, for a child having to wear clothes that feel uncomfortable, and not understanding why they have to wear them, when they just want to have them often, they want to feel comfortable in their own skin that's traumatic for a baby. And it starts to create beliefs in them that they need to do things to impress other people around them, they start to form that belief at such an early age, that their own comfort is, is completely about making other people look at them in a way that they should look at, they should be looked at. It's about appeasing Mom and Dad, it's about doing what mom and dad want us to do. And we don't see, we don't see where that wounding actually comes from where we took on beliefs about ourselves, and made ourselves less than made our worthiness conditional based on how we were experiencing life as a baby, when we didn't have the ability to process those emotions. But we have the ability now. And we're being taught not to do it. And that is our third obstacle. We keep believing that we can bypass looking at our own trauma and wounding and believing that it's somehow depressing and dramatic. And oh, that's like, that's the for babies that's like for weak people. And like emotional trauma, that's weak, people who don't have emotional trauma, just tough it out. And I get through it, you know, and we believe this, that this is somehow make someone a better person, they can just tough it out and, and ignore their emotional trauma and ignore their emotional wounding. Meanwhile, guess what they're doing, they're blowing up all over people in their life, because they won't look at it. And guess what, that's weak, blowing up on other people, because you're scared to look at your own emotional trauma, that is weakness, my friends, taking the time to look at your emotional trauma and grieve over it, cry over it a little bit, understand where it came from, and then show up in your life empowered, so that when other people do things that trigger that trauma that trigger that emotional wounding, you can see it's not about you. And it's not even about the other person. It's a belief that you took on that you have the opportunity to release in that moment, and express love and compassion and forgiveness in that moment, and emotional responsibility versus reactivity, and trying to prove how you're better than the other person or how they need to feel sorry for what they just did. Because you don't know how to you won't even heal your own emotional wounds. I feel like this is the very most important thing for us to look at here. That we first of all, become aware that we all have emotional trauma and wounding that needs healing, it needs nurturing, it needs us to reparent ourselves. Because our parents were human to it doesn't make them bad, it doesn't mean that they did it wrong. And means that they were human too. And there's no way that another human being can know your exact experience that is on you. And for you to pay attention to and to know your own unconditional worth, and to heal your own wounding. It's not your parents responsibility. They weren't bad people, because you took on beliefs about yourself. Now, that's not to say that I believe in physical abuse, and that, you know, parents should abuse their children and that we should just be okay with that. I'm not trying to say that. But what I'm trying to say is, I know so many adults, that were physically abused as kids that keep not wanting to look at their own trauma, not wanting to heal it themselves, because they believe the only way it can be healed is if they make their parents feel bad enough about it. In order to make themselves feel good enough about themselves. They won't look at the fact that what is hurting them is what they made that abuse mean about them and their own worth, about their existence in this life and what it means. And that's what we want to start looking at. I meet so many people who are not aware of the fact that they have emotional trauma that they have emotional wounding. They come to me like oh, no, no, they'll try and not my childhood I didn't have it as bad No, I didn't get abused. You know, that's that's not me. And they have no idea that they're carrying around this baggage of emotional trauma, they're constantly reacting to their own life that is keeping them stuck. And when I show it to them, they're like, Oh, my God, I never realized that I've been carrying that around with me for all of this time. And they didn't even realize the weight of it until they released it. I see so many people out there on social media and in the world, reacting to their traumas, and wounding, and calling it being authentic, or true to themselves. But the truth is, they don't even know themselves. They don't even know themselves enough to be true to themselves, because they're avoiding knowing themselves for the fear of the discomfort of the process of looking at their emotional damage, or their emotional trauma, their emotional wounding, they're not being authentic, what they're doing is being snarky and judgmental, and acting in scarcity because they believe that their worth and value in this life as a person is in constant question. And in order to prove it, they need to react strongly and give knows to prove that they are worthy in this world that they're, you know, looking for validation through them trying to prove that they are better than other people by saying no to them. This is not the same as simply saying no, because something doesn't align with your path. I also see people saying no, because they don't in the moment feel like doing something. And then they call that self love and self care. And the reality is that the thing that they're saying no to is a step that they actually want to take. But they'll say no, I don't want to self care, self love. When in reality, this is the step that they want to take to continue on their journey that is aligned with their truest desires, and fullest expression. They're not saying no out of self love and self care. They're saying no out of self doubt and fear, they are fearing stepping forward and doing the thing and getting a result that isn't, quote unquote, perfect according to some other standards out there that they feel like they don't have control over, but that they have to reach. And once they reach it, they'll be accepted. And they'll feel no rejection at all. And everyone will just love them. And they'll be perfect and great. And until they can do that they just won't take the step that is and they call that self love and self care, because they're protecting themselves. But my friends, that is self rejection, that is self doubt. And that is fear. This is not self love or self care. This is not saying no, because it's something that they truly don't want to do based on what is aligned with their values and their aligned journey. This is no, this is a no that is a reaction to fear. And a reaction to the brain not feeling like doing something that is new and uncertain, and therefore uncomfortable. This is giving into the urge for immediate comfort over the true act of self love and self care, which would be to take the step and choose ahead of time to have their own back no matter the outcome, and see that it's perfect for what they were intended to learn by taking that step. So that they can do it again in the future with more practice and more strength and skill. And having learned from taking the step over and over and over until they get the result that aligns with their intention. I see so many people getting I don't feel like it confused with I don't want to a genuine, I don't want to comes from it not being aligned with your values and your authentic path. And you can't know that if you haven't looked and healed your emotional trauma and wounding. Because until then your decisions are a reaction to resisting that. I myself took quite a bit of time exploring this in my life, the difference between these two, which is why I love coaching people on it. Because I have the experience of going through this in my life and trying to figure out what is the difference between saying no out of fear and saying no, because I truly this doesn't align with what I want to do. And while the experience is going to be slightly different for every person, I do notice some common trends here with myself and with my clients. And I want to I want to tell you here, this is one thing that I've noticed maybe a way for you to begin to see and have some awareness of the fact that you might be saying no in your life. Because of I don't feel like it's because of your brain and your body and your egos urge for instant gratification and comfort or out of resistance to to looking at and healing your emotional trauma and wounding. When it's a no that is a reaction or giving into an urge from the brain, ego or body, then usually people feel a sense of pressure being taken off or relief. For me, I feel like I've just taken a step back from a ledge and I feel the pleasure of familiarity, safety of comfort. But almost immediately following after following through with an action that I take instead of doing the thing that I said no to that's actually what I wanted to do. I noticed that tension start to rise. I noticed this. Why didn't you do it? What if you had on it. What if that would have brought you closer to showing up in your life the way you truly want to, I notice the feeling of rejection within myself No, stop that don't listen, don't listen, that's that's uncomfortable stay here. This is this is familiar, this is comfortable, I noticed this, this tension building this battle going on inside of me. And it's coming from knowing that I turned myself down and took a step back from allege that I was scared to jump off of because I wasn't certain what was what was going to happen. I didn't believe in myself, I didn't believe that I would have my own back. I noticed this feeling of almost panic when I noticed this, and wanting to escape my life and the emotions that I'm experiencing. And I noticed that this time that I'm wanting to do things that involve numbing, and comfort. After saying no to something that I didn't really feel like doing or that was a reaction to my emotional wounding or trauma. There is this pattern of me wanting to escape into these destructive numbing behaviors like eating or drinking or binge watching television or going shopping for something that I think will make me feel better about myself in my life. I noticed this pattern after I give a no, that is me giving into my brain, body and egos urge to seek pleasure, or from me reacting to a wound. That's what I noticed. When I say no in one of these ways. This immediate relief, this immediate pressure taking off as if I just stepped back from the ledge. And then it's followed by this desire to escape my emotional experience. Through things like eating, watching television, having sex, you know, so many different things, having alcohol, going out partying, going on a vacation, going on a trip, going to buy something, watching more TV. This is what I noticed that myself and another people when they give these kinds of knows. But here's the thing, when it's a genuine No, because you genuinely don't want to do it out of staying true to what is aligned and true for you. It doesn't get followed up with that immediate relief or that release of pressure. It doesn't feel like an instant pleasurable hit of stepping back from a ledge into comfort and familiar. It feels more like this open, vulnerable rawness. And I know you're thinking, why on earth would I want to feel that? And the reason why is because that's exactly what you're designed for first of all. And the second is that when you lean into this vulnerable wrongness, when you lean into it with curiosity, and courage and knowing that you have your back on this decision to say no, what you feel is this sense of steady, peaceful, unwavering resolve beneath it, like you're exposed in the most intentional and empowered way. And in this exposure and vulnerability, if you lean in and sit with it long enough, the haze of the rawness, it starts to fade away. And to begin to, you begin to see these these clear options of paths laid out in front of you that align with your true desires, you begin to see them revealing themselves to you. Because the tension of those strings that were attached to your old limiting beliefs are starting to sever. And as those strings are slowly breaking, as you say no to the familiar to the ordinary to the expected in your life. In doing so you say yes to the unexpected to the extraordinary potential of your truest aligned desires and purpose. And the more times you do this, and you lean in what I noticed and what my clients notice is that that period of that raw feeling, doesn't feel so scary. It doesn't even I believe it even starts to feel shorter. Or maybe it's just because it comes from this knowing that after experiencing that rawness after you process through it, there's something on the other side. And maybe this knowing makes that period of feeling raw, feel shorter, and not so raw. It feels almost exciting. Knowing that on the other side of that feeling, from giving a genuine and aligned no knowing that on the other side of that will come a time of clarity, where options that are for you that you had not even considered possible yet will all of a sudden start showing up for you, you'll start seeing them. And you will feel this freeing of who you truly are starting to cut the strings that were attached to some old limiting beliefs and you feel it's almost kind of like a lightness. And this is how I can tell the difference. I know because I can either feel myself leaning in preparing to feel exposed raw and vulnerable but resolute and knowing that this feeling is there for me. And I'm choosing to step into it. It's either that or I feel myself wanting to run away from the ledge of that feeling of jumping and diving off the ledge into that vulnerability into that rawness into that uncertainty And instead, I want to run back to the familiar comfort zone and seek instant gratification and pleasure in the moment now. And I recognize that desire to release the pressure and feel the rush of relief from giving into the urge to seek comfort, I recognize it now. But now I also recognize, the more times I allow myself to choose the real nose from true alignment with my truest desires, that feeling of self rejection, self doubt that my ego and my brain try and scream over, to get me to follow the urge to seek comfort, I can feel that closer to the surface to, I can feel it right below the surface of the nose, that are coming from my unhealed trauma and wounding and that are based in my ego and my brains and my body's desire for comfort, certainty and for fitting in. And I find this to be really interesting that as I practice this more and more, the illusion that the self rejection and the self doubt aren't damaging me. And that this instant comfort and gratification will feel good enough that it's going to be worth it, I noticed that illusion kind of losing its hold. It doesn't feel true for me anymore. As a matter of fact, no, it's not going to feel better. I see through it a bit easier these days. And I see that moment of of raw vulnerability and openness and uncertainty of free falling in to my purpose. I see that as being desirable. That moment of my heart, skipping a beat and wondering what's going to happen when this fog clears, what paths will be in front of me? And what steps will I take? And how many times am I going to fall down and learn how to pick myself up and keep stepping forward? I feel almost an excitement to that uncertainty. So this is how I noticed most people can can differentiate between these two is, if that know is coming from this desire to feel instant release and relief from a pressure from a fear stepping back from the ledge? Or does it feel like when you're about to say know that you're going to expose something so true about you? So raw, so vulnerable about you? That you're not sure what's going to be on the other side? And you wonder, can I choose to have my own back here, no matter what's on the other side? And in that moment, you take the step? And you say no, because that No, is aligned with your true purpose and values. So what do I want you guys to get from today, what I want you to take away from this episode, I want you all to begin paying attention to the difference between these two types of noes in your own life by first of all, knowing that there is a huge difference that I don't want to and I don't feel like it can sometimes get very confused. If you haven't dealt with your emotional trauma and wounding. If you're unaware of your brains, your egos and your body's urge and desire for instant gratification for security for certainty and for comfort. I want you to lean in and notice how often your nose might be coming from a desire to seek that comfort and instant gratification, or how often they come from a sense of fear of what might be on the other side of saying yes, I want you to pay attention to the difference between not feeling like doing something because the idea of comfort now feels more appealing to the brain, the body and the ego versus saying no, because it is genuinely not aligned with your path forward in life. How often are you not taking a step forward in your growth, just because you don't feel like it? Simply because an option of comfort now is also present. This is what I'm talking about when I say false desires will cover up and take up the space of true desires. My friend, I want you to start being honest with yourself about this. And for those of you feeling the pull inside of you to step forward and stop distracting yourself with this, I want you to do something this time, I want you to do something that's going to feel scary, it's going to feel raw, it's going to feel vulnerable, it's going to feel uncertain, I want you to reach out, I want you to get help to stop hiding from yourself. Stop avoiding your trauma in your wounding stop hiding in comfort and instant gratification and convincing yourself you're not strong enough. You're not that kind of person. Or that it's not worth it. Or that that's weak, soft work. And right now you're busy trying to build something out there. And then you numb away the self rejection and the self doubt. I want you to stop doing that. And I want you to reach out and get help. I want you to step forward and get help to really start looking at what it would mean for you to heal the trauma and wounding so you can step into your most authentic empowered and fulfilling life. You cannot bypass this, my friends, I promise you that. So where can you get this help? For some of you who may be in the deep throes of depression therapy would be my first suggestion for those of you out there that are functioning in your life, but you know Whether you're still hiding, and not healing, and not thriving, that is what a life coach is for. And I'm here for you. And if I'm not the right fit, I'm happy to recommend you to someone else who will be. I have a free discovery call available to anyone who wants to talk about this and find out if my coaching isn't fit. And if not, who's would be and finding your authentic path forward. What I want you to choose today is to stop convincing yourself that this isn't an issue that is harming you, or holding you back in your life. And that it's easier or better for you to just keep numbing yourself, I want you to stop convincing yourself that you should keep just toughing it out and avoiding it because this is what life is about. There is a whole life out there waiting for you to start living it on the other side of this obstacle, my friends, and going through this obstacle is it doesn't have to be this disempowered, miserable, depressing week, endless process that you keep convincing yourself that it's going to be trust me. I've seen it enough times. I've seen people in this process and feeling so much joy in finally allowing themselves to be in that process. And finding the healing and finding paths opening up for them that they never thought possible as they're in that healing. So I want you to do something different this time. No more avoiding No more waiting around for some other quick fix promise out there some other how to guide the promises you that, you know, you're gonna get a shortcut around all of that, quote unquote, inner work a faster way to success and lots of validation. Once you get there. There is no shortcut around healing your emotional wounding and trauma, my friends, it's time to step into it. It's time to heal. So you can come out on the other side being able to say yes to what is truly aligned with your purpose and no to what is not. And to do so in the most loving, unstoppable and empowered way possible. That's all I have for you all today, my friends, take the step. I love you all. I want to see you do this. So until we meet again here next week, take the step. Ciao. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed the content of this podcast. If you did, please subscribe so that you're one of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week. If you have any questions or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one on one, then just head over to my website at WWW dot life coach seth.com that's www dot life coach seth.com there you're gonna have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one on one coaching with me might be like for you. You can also check out and order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person and as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life.