The REAL "Flex" of Personal Development

"Flexing" our lives on social media is a growing trend. But have you ever wondered if what people are "flexing" online as "success" or "growth" is even really that? Or is it us showing a hidden weakness? 

In this episode I am going to clear up the REAL "flex" of personal development, if you really want to experience, and show off some growth.

Enjoy!

Transcript

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You are listening to the authentic life connection podcast episode number 166. Welcome to the authentic life connection podcast. I'm your host, Seth Lusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade, I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're gonna dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life, where you are unstoppable and taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is, are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started. Shall we? Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time, welcome, welcome, you picked a great episode to join in on I'm going to talk about something that I find to be a little bit interesting, I think you'll find it interesting as well to sort of take this into a slightly different perspective than the mainstream perspective that's sort of being pushed in our faces. And I really want you all to begin thinking about this, and how this is affecting the way that we approach our lives and our personal development. So as a life coach, I'm on social media, quite often putting the message about what I teach out there for people to know that I'm here, what I'm here to help them with, and the sorts of topics that I cover, as a life coach with my clients, because the topics can really range all over life. So since I'm on social media, I see what a lot of other people are posting, at the same time as what I'm posting. And in the personal development space. I have talked with you all a lot about this idea that, or this this concept that I'm seeing a lot on social media, that the whole point of our goals. The whole point of our personal development, is eventually to get to a life that is more comfortable for us, that feels better for us. And I've been trying to show you all through out my content on social media and on this podcast, and through my book, that this message is really bullshit. Because the truth is, it doesn't matter what story we change in our life doesn't matter. What we create in life, what goals we go after, or what we succeed at, or achieve, life will always still be 5050. On the other side of a goal having achieved it, life isn't better or more comfortable. On the other side, it's just you have a different 5050 It's a different set of problems and a different set of things that you're good at on the other side of the goal. And this is the point of goals is not achieving them and having a better or easier, more comfortable life. It's about the things that we gain and the ways that we grow and the way that we understand ourselves more and what we're capable of, and what we're what is truly driving us in life. When we go through the challenges of growing towards a goal of going after a goal. It's not about the achievement itself. I am you know, I've heard so many other life coaches talk about this. And I'm going to say it too. I've achieved many goals in my life done many things that I thought, oh, once I do that, then it's going to be a cakewalk. You know, after that, I will feel like I've done everything that I came here to do. And I'm going to be good. And I'm just going to ride off into that sunset, you know, live that that soft, comfortable life, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, that everyone keeps talking. But the truth of the matter is, every time I achieve a goal, of course, there's celebration, there's like, Wow, I did it, I actually did the thing that it was like, so worried that I was never going to be able to do and I've done it now. And then it was just like, okay, so this is cool. But guess what? I still had the 5050 of life. And for a while when I would achieve goals, I thought okay, maybe I'm just not going after goals big enough yet. And that's why do you need to change the 5050. But the truth of the matter is what I'm learning and what I'm seeing in other people's lives, is it doesn't matter how big you grow, it doesn't matter how many goals you achieve, life is still going to be 5050 It's just going to be a different 5050 a different flavor of it a different set of problems, a different set of worries. And the goal is not to escape that that's not the point of our personal development. And this gets super confusing when you look in the personal development space. Or when you look at what people are posting on social media that quote unquote, have success. They use social media as this way to sort of showcase their life and show off But here's what they're always showing. And this is what baffles me, I think this is what confuses so many of us is that these people are flexing, they call it flexing, you know, the, I'm flexing my life, you know, like, sort of how, when you work out in the gym and you, you achieve big muscles, you, you flex them in front of people to show them what you've got. And what what people call flexing is showing the luxuries that they can afford, showing the trips that they can afford to go on and how extravagant they are, and the foods that they will eat and the wines that they will drink and the you know, the cars that they will buy in the yachts that they will be on and the pools that they'll sit by and the beaches that they're gonna lay on in the hotels and all these things that they're like, look what I can buy, that makes my life feel so comfortable. And it's like, this is what they believe is the point of success is to be able to buy those things to chase comfort, and kind of flex it to other people, like look at me look at what I've done. And I really kind of want to turn this over on its head and call it out on it's bullshit guys. I find it ironic that when it comes to our success and personal development, we see it as being about being able to achieve this level of comfort in life and chasing all the comforts the finer things in life. And because I'm not here to knock comforts, I'm not here to knock pleasure and say, You shouldn't want to have comforts you shouldn't want to have pleasure. I feel like comfort and pleasure are very important. Because like I said, life is supposed to be 5050. It's not supposed to be 7525. It's not supposed to be at 20. It's 5050, and so many different ways in life, and then the universe around us physics and human anatomy proves that life is designed to be 5050, there has to be contrast. And anytime anything swings too far in one direction, something has to come back into balance back into the middle into the 5050. And the same goes with our personal development, when we create a life that we truly want, there's still going to be 5050. And what I'm also learning is the bigger the comforts that we chase, the bigger the pleasures that we chase, the bigger the problems are that we have on the other side of them. So it's not like we're going to avoid them. But granted also we become more capable at solving more complex and bigger problems. And this is this is part of the personal development space that I think so many of us are missing out on seeing the benefit of and, you know, when we when we contrast or when we, when we compare it to something like sports or athletics, it becomes so obvious and it makes me wonder why do we look at our personal development this way? Because it really doesn't make any sense. If we look at Olympic athletes, if we look at bodybuilders, if we look at, you know, power lifters, and we look at these athletes, and we think what impresses me about them, and we're looking to them to flex for us, you know, right that we want to flex for us, please, we don't look at the ways that they Okay, so when we're looking at their flex, we're looking at their strength, what they're able to achieve, when we're looking at powerlifters, how much weight can they lift? When we look at runners? How far can they push their body to run and how fast? You know, when we look at gymnasts? How many flips can they do in the air and land on their feet solid and firm without bouncing or without almost falling over? Or having a sloppy landing? We look at figure skaters how well can they balance themselves on the skates while they're doing these intricate turns? And you know, how, how easy can they make it look to do these very difficult, challenging things that take a lot of strength, a lot of balance, a lot of practice. That's what we call a flex. But then when we're looking at our personal development, and people who have quote unquote succeeded in personal development, what we're looking to them to flex to us is what comforts Can you buy in life? What kind of car can you buy? You know, what kind of what kind of ways can you escape the discomfort of life for us? What kind of foods can you buy to like pleasure yourself and not have to think about how uncomfortable life can be sometimes you know, and all the work that you have to do and like we we completely miss the point when it comes to personal development. We're not asking people to flex for us, show me the discomfort that you're able to handle. Show me the challenges that you are choosing to move into and stay in and how uncomfortable they make you and how you are willing and able to stay in them and grow through them and come out on the other side that much more able to handle challenge. I find it so fascinating that we look to these people to show us how able they're how able they are To afford and enjoy comfort. Instead of asking them, show me what challenged you show me what was difficult for you show me how many times you fell down, show me show me the things that you're capable of doing that most people would crumble trying to do, because it's too difficult. It's too scary, it's too challenging. And I find it really interesting that the narrative around personal development is about arriving at this place of comfort, that it's about arriving at this place of ease in life. And how in the process of, of believing this message, we sort of are missing the point of personal development. And we're missing the point of what growth actually is, we are chasing the exact opposite of what will actually develop us and help us to grow. And then we wonder why our lives aren't changing. While we always end up right back in the same problems, right back. And the same loops of behavior patterns, maybe we are reheated version of it with a slightly different name, but as the same behavior patterns that we told ourselves, we weren't going to do anymore. And the main reason why is because we're so focused on getting to that quote, unquote, goal of flexing comforts, we're so busy chasing comfort, and then wondering why we're not growing. athletes don't grow through laying around and being comfortable. Athletes grow by getting out there, and trying and doing things that their body is not yet able to do, doesn't know how to do. And doing it anyways, and falling, getting a little bit hurt, and then letting their body recover, and then doing it again, and then doing it again. And then adding some more intensity, making it even more challenging, making it even more difficult for their body to handle. And slowly, slowly pushing this and pushing this and pushing this, and planning the recovery time in a way where it's just enough recovery time that the body gets a little bit stronger, but not so much that it loses the strength of growing in those challenges. And we see this so clearly when it comes to how we develop, develop physical strength, how we develop physical endurance, how we develop physical power. But why is it that when it comes to our personal development, the way that we handle our own mind, we just completely missed the mark here. We're so busy chasing that soft life chasing that luxury life, flexing the luxuries that we can afford, like it's somehow impressive to other people how much we can avoid discomfort. And I'm like your weakness is showing your Flex is just showing your weakness. All these flexes on social media I'm like so basically what you're telling me is, what you're all about, is avoiding the reality of life, avoiding the challenge of life, avoiding avoiding the growth, that is your particular set of skills that you are lacking that you want to grow into to build the life you want. That you're just your your Flex is that you're good at avoiding that you're good at, you're good at numbing out of it, distracting yourself from it, you're good at pleasuring yourself into forgetting about the fact that you had things you wanted to work on that were challenging for you. You're good at numbing out of all of the uncomfortable emotions of all of the the stories about life that you're encountering, as you're trying to grow, that you don't know yet what you want to believe about. You don't know yet how to handle them. You don't know how to grow through them. You don't yet know what your solution for it is. And your flexes Oh, but look, I can I can have this drink and forget about it in the evening. Or oh look, I can put on this TV show and binge watch it and laugh until I forget about the fact that there are all these challenges out here things that I want to grow in that I'm not sure about yet, but something is calling me forward into them. So your Flex is that you're great at avoiding growing. Why is it that we've bought into this bullshit message about personal development, that the whole point is to hurry up and get to that soft life that comfortable life that luxury life? And again, I'm not here to say that we can't enjoy luxuries. But why are we flexing those? Why is that the flex? Why is that the flex we don't ask athletes, hey, please flex for us your rest time. You know, like show us how well you can rest and then like let it sit in front of the TV and we're just gonna watch you rest all the time. Because you're such a great athlete. We just want to watch the rest. No, we want to see them perform. We want to see them get out there on the tennis court. We want to see them get in the rowboat. We want to see them climb the mountain we want to see them do the the double, triple whatever looks on the skates we want to see the gymnasts do the quadruple flip and land solid. We want to see See the power lifter, you know, deadlift, the 800 pounds. That's what we want to see. Because we want to say, look at how hard this person must have worked to get there, look at what their body is capable of doing, because they put in the effort. But then when it comes to personal development, we're just like, oh, show us your rest, please just show us your rest. Oh, that's what I want. That's the skill. They want what they're resting. Yes, that's give me that skill. Give me that skill of resting and enjoying luxury. Because I mean, that's, that's not even challenging to do. Anyone can enjoy luxury. And the Flex is not how much of that you can afford. The flex is the ability that the challenges that you're willing to go through, and grow through and build your skills and your strength set. And yes, you will need larger recovery times in that process. But that's not the flex. Why is that what we're flexing when it comes to personal development? It doesn't make sense, my friends, and I think it has taught us all to have a very skewed message, a very skewed goal, a very skewed view of what the point of personal development is. And I want you to look in your life. How much are you chasing that ability to flex some luxury to flex some comfort, to flex some pleasure. And think that that's the point, oh, I'm growing. So I can get to that point that I can take that huge vacation. Instead of thinking, I'm growing to the point that I can kill kill these challenges here. And then during my recovery time, I'm going to take a vacation there. But the point is, look at what I'm capable of achieving, look at what I'm strong enough to handle. Look at the challenges that I am willing to choose to step into and solve find real solutions for because I'm that strong. Because I have built up my my ability to stay in some emotional discomfort and find the true problem. Find the true story that's there that's holding me back. And then sure, take your rest. Have your luxury have your comfort. But why? Why are we teaching each other that that's the flex. And I think it's causing so many of us to avoid the discomfort, the actual part, the growing part. And feeling ashamed of telling other people that we're challenged by our own personal development, that it's difficult that it's scary. We're like afraid to admit that it's hard, my friends, I'm on episode number 166 of this podcast, it's still uncomfortable. For me, it's scary to get on this microphone and talk to you all and put this out there for possibly millions of people to listen to me. And what I have to say. And the message that I want to get out there, it is still terrifying. And the longer I do it, it doesn't feel less terrifying. But I'd become that much better at feeling terrified and saying terrified. Okay, not a problem. Not a problem. I can feel terrified, I can feel scared, I can feel uncomfortable, I can feel uncertain, I can feel like I'm standing in front of a crowd of a million people with my pants down. And because I'm willing to do that, because I've built up the skill of being in that discomfort and saying it's not a problem. I get to do and create so much more in life, I get to see more of what I'm capable of. Because I'm willing to be in that discomfort. I am not here to tell you all that I have reached a point in my personal development where it feels easy for me, I have different challenges now than what I had 10 years ago. I'm solving different problems now. But they feel just as scary. The difference is, I look at the problems that I've been through the challenges that I've been through that I faced head on. And I solved for. And I understood what was really going on. And I challenged myself and I grew through it. I look at those and I'm like if I can go through that I can go through this too. That's the difference. It still feels uncomfortable. It still feels scary. It still feels like what if I completely royally eff this up and fall flat on my face. And I get up and I do it anyways, because I trust myself that much more to handle what ever these challenges can throw at me. Because I've seen what I'm capable of stepping up to not knowing what was coming my way. And when it slapped me right in the face. I'm like, Okay, here we are. So here's the problem, let's let's move forward. And I did it. And that's my Flex. My Flex is I am I was talking to someone the other day about a pattern that I noticed with people sort of when when I'm in a situation with him, like we're working on something together, and it's really uncomfortable and we're really uncertain about it. People tend to just kind of like leave me in the middle of the problem and I don't know go find something to do and distract themselves or go talk to someone and just kind of like leave me with my pants down like right in the spotlight in front of everybody and like oh I'll be back waiter, I'm like, What is? Why did Why does this always happen? And like, why do people always just think that it's okay to just like, drag me out into the middle of an uncomfortable situation, and then leave me there by myself. And I figured out what it is, it's that I'm really freaking good at being uncomfortable. I'm really good at being bored, and not making it a problem. So people, I think they can tell that in me, they can tell, it's okay to leave them here for a minute, because I'm uncomfortable, and I'm not willing to handle this amount of discomfort. So I'm gonna go distract myself, he'll be fine. It's like they know. Because they've seen I think they can see in me, this doesn't, it's not going to stop me, I will still be here. When you get back, I might be running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to solve all the things that came up while you were gone and left me here by myself. But I will do it. And I think people know this about me. And that's my Flex. My Flex is not Oh, look at all the look at all the comforts that I know how to enjoy. Look at all the ways that I know how to recover and rest in between I know my Flex is guys, I am really good at being uncomfortable. I'm really good at seeing something is going to be terrifying and being like, Yeah, let's do that. That sounds great. I wonder what kind of strengths I'm going to build by going through that. Let's see what I come out as on the other side of that challenge. That's my Flex. I'm willing to pick the hard stuff. So I'm going to ask you all today to take a look at your personal development, your journey and personal development, the goals that you have in personal development, what's the point of them? What are you trying to flex with it? Are you trying to flex the fact that you can afford more comforts, you can afford more pleasures, you can afford more distractions? Are your posts on social media all about liquid I can enjoy looking at how I can distract myself? Is that what you're focused on? I want you to notice it. And I want you to notice how much of the character building the growth that you're wanting to go through you're avoiding by focusing on that being the goal. I want you to notice that? And then maybe that question of why is it that I still feel like I'm stuck in the same place? 20 years later in my personal development journey? I think you know the answer now. I think you know the answer. And I'm here when you all are ready. I keep telling you, I am here when you are ready to decide what are the authentic challenges that I want to go through that are going to build the skills, build the strengths, build the ways in which I am good at stepping into uncomfortable situations, so that I can build the life that I truly desire. So I can contribute the things to the world that are truly valuable to me that when I build the life I want, I'm that much more able to contribute those things to the world. When you're ready to look at all that and figure out what is it that you are designed to be sensitive to noticing in the world that you want to contribute and the challenges that you will go through to develop the skills to contribute more of that I'm here for you. I'm here to clear all that up for you show you your path forward, show you the discomforts that you are going to be willing and choose to go through and make agreements with yourself about it ahead of time. This is what's going to be uncomfortable. This is what's going to challenge me, and I'm here for it, choose the 5050 That's for you not survive the 5050 that someone else told you, you have to survive. And stop making it about trying to hurry up and get through the uncomfortable parts of life. So you can hurry up and flex your relaxation, hurry up and flex your comfort, hurry up and flex your distraction from the life that you don't want. And I think that's the biggest indicator here of whether or not that is your goal is what do you look forward to in your life? Can you answer that question for me? Do you look forward to the challenges that are going to stretch you that are going to strain you? They're going to push you into realizing that you're capable of more? Do you look forward to those? Or are you looking forward to the next distraction? The next pleasure hit the next comfort that you're going to enjoy to forget about what's challenging you in life? Because that will answer your question as to whether or not you're growing, or you're hiding from your growth. That's what I've got for you all this week. I hope this challenge some of you, I hope this stepped on some toes. I hope some of you all are offended by it. And I hope that you choose to lean into that offense and say you know what? to shame to shame, I'm ready to grow. And I'm here for you and you're ready. So I'm gonna let you all go. And until we meet again here next week, ciao. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed the content of this podcast. If you did, please subscribe so that you're one of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week. If you have any questions or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one on one, then just head over to my website at WWW dot life coach seth.com that's www dot life coach seth.com there you're going to have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one on one coaching with me might be like for you, you can also check out and order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person. And as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life.